Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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