I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
