what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
