i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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