I think I died a long time ago.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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