he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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