he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
