Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
