Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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