I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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