You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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