There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
