Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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