I seem to have left my pride at pride
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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