1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
