please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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