so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
