i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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