I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
