i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
