So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
