Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
