She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
