i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
