You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
from now on my penis is your penis
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
