you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
