Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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