My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
