dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
