Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We are all done wearing pants today
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
