he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
