so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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