that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
