he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
