I bet he comes in French.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
