so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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