i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
