oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
