Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
