This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
