Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drunk is not a location!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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