I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
