I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
