The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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