Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
