and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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