i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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