shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
