sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
