my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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