I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
