omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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