When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
