When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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