It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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