Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
