they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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