i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
