My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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