He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
