You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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