So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
