D3 body, D1 cock
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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