I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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