the new term for farting is butt boxing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
