Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
